In the future we'll all be gay
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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