Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
