I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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