16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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