he wants to bone in the snuggie
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
