Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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