hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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