You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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