Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
