i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
