i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Mom said you looked used
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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