Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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