The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
