The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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