Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
