I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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