it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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