Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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