She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
