I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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