Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
