there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she peed on how many people?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
