she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
