How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
