Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
