Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
