the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
