jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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