Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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