That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
