Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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