My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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