so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
