we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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