I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
