This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My balls are so social today.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
