My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
