you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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