please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
