I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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