My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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