i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
