Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
