Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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