Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
