God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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