I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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