Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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