I need help removing her.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
