I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
