im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
