You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
