Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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