So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
