Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
