U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
