I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
