Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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