Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
