No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
