god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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