I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
