it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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