I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
