By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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