Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
