I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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