i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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