Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
