Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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