I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In the future we'll all be gay
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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