she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
