I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
