I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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