you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize