There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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